So I get this phone call the other night about 10:30. That’s pretty late for me to sound perky and/or to intelligently answer customers’ telephone inquiries. By that time I just want to have my eye makeup off and be in my softie pants reading a book.
My day starts early because I like to get up at the crack of dawn and line up all the breakfast plates and silverware and gather all the breakfast accoutrements and make food. It’s like playing with toys on Christmas day, but every day. I really like serving breakfast and seeing everyone in the morning – it’s so fun. But I digress. My point is, I start early, do a lot of stuff all day, and am cooked by the end of it. I don’t do thinking activities at night.
So anyway, I get this phone call at 10:30 at night.
Me (Trying to sound perky): It’s a great evening at Olde Square Inn. Can I help you?
Phone Call Guy: Do you have any rooms for the night?
Me: No, sir. We’re full.
Phone Call Guy: Oh. Well do you have a pool?
Me: Yes, we have a pool. Were you interested in making reservations for another night?
Phone Call Guy: Can people swim in it?
Me (?????!): Yeeees. The pool is open to registered guests at the Inn. Would you like me to check availability for a different night?
Phone Call Guy: No, just for tonight. Can I pay to get in?
Me: Noooo, You would need to be staying with us, sir.
Phone Call Guy: Do you have a public pool I could use?
Me (What the heck?!): What?! No! We’re a Bed and Breakfast, sir, not a rec center.
Phone Call Guy: Hmmm. Oh! Is there a rec center with rooms?
At this point you really just want to say something smarmy. It’s only the possibility that maybe you’re being pranked by some radio show and your cranky answer will be broadcast over the airwaves for days, or that maybe some secret quality control organization is testing your politeness that keeps you from saying, “Are you a nut case?!!?!” and hanging up. Instead:
Me (Speaking carefully so as to avoid nastiness): No, sir. Try the Eden Resort in Lancaster or call the Mount Joy Lions Club in the morning to find out about their pool hours. Thank you for thinking of Olde Square Inn. Have a pleasant evening, sir.
I think it just comes with the territory – every now and again you get somebody looking for a public pool or asking where to park his 18-wheeler at your motel. It keeps things amusing, right? Besides that, no matter how weird the calls might be, I get to make breakfast in the morning…and…it’s summer and the pool is open. You have to love that. Come on down!